So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?