Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future