I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.