You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.