Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.