I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.