Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.