the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
