You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
