So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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