I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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