my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work