You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign