Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.