she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.