It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.