used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she woke up with a sticky ear
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Wow word travels fast.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How drunk are you??
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone