he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.