Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever