i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.