I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.