you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.