We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen