I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.