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this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
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