Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child