The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day