WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
