OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face