I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
porn star boner night. come get it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay