I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
