I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
