I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married