Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...