the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.