you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.