in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"