My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers