its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.