its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.