Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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