I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.