With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma