He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
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Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys