Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon