Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?