Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.