: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
