Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep