My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.