That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
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How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
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I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.