Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
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That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
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Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.