OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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