I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.