Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New Jersey (201)

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard

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  (201): This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard http://tfl.nu/udfw
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  I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..

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  We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..

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  (201): I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again.. (973): We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks.. http://tfl.nu/kzt5
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  yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial

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  (201): yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial http://tfl.nu/29ux
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  Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?

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  (201): Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion? http://tfl.nu/hwen
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  Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy

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  (201): Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy http://tfl.nu/ijnw
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  thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick

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  (201): thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick http://tfl.nu/xnq8
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th

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  (201): I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th http://tfl.nu/okx6
  Replies (4) Good night (1569) Bad night (303)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden

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  (201): we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden http://tfl.nu/jtve
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.

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  (201): Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin. http://tfl.nu/tejt
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  (213): View more from California

  Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  ... and if i was..

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  Fuck. You.

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  (213): Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten. (201): ... and if i was.. (213): Fuck. You. http://tfl.nu/ty6i
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  He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl

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  I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl

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  (314): He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl (201): I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl http://tfl.nu/d4hf
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax

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  (201): Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax http://tfl.nu/ffmj
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  For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao

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  (201): For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao http://tfl.nu/eyan
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring

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  (201): hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring http://tfl.nu/45rz
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?

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  (201): Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend? http://tfl.nu/yz0d
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