Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial