No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...