I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?