i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
