Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (916)

Last Night in California (916)

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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.

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(916): I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it. http://tfl.nu/ir5l

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WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!

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(916): WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!! http://tfl.nu/wbdy

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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.

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(916): My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina. http://tfl.nu/c849

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I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.

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(916): I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made. http://tfl.nu/41km

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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.

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Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.

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HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.

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(415): We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002. (916): Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening. (415): HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone. http://tfl.nu/fe9v

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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.

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How much did you smoke??

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(916): This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big. (831): How much did you smoke?? http://tfl.nu/a96z

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New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.

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(916): New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know. http://tfl.nu/vjk4

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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.

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(916): My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher. http://tfl.nu/1p6a

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Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.

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(916): Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning. http://tfl.nu/8lph

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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.

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(916): Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap. http://tfl.nu/pbje

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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.

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(916): It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie. http://tfl.nu/mir1

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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.

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(916): But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening. http://tfl.nu/sf5x

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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.

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(916): He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex. http://tfl.nu/zvxf

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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.

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(916): So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones. http://tfl.nu/pw89

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Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home

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(916): Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home http://tfl.nu/dlwc

Replies (3) Good night (443) Bad night (1436)

Last Night in California (916)

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