Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"