Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you