Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"