On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?