Last Night in New York (914)

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  i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

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  you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped

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  He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

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  We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.

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  i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.

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  End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.

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  you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

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  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

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  oh right the one that ends on your bed

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  After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!

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  just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.

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  Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

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• (914): View more from New York

  we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

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  My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

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  She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

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  well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

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  The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"

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