Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I would ride that face into the sunset
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.