Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies