the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup