It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..