I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?