Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need water and some morals
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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