We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.