id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth