They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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