remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
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we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.