remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.