Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
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I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better